God Hates You. And Here's Why!

I am Elder William. I was once like you, struggling. Trying to find my way in a world I did not understand. I so wanted to be a member of theTea Party, but the problem was -- I am a Christian. And so many of the things the Tea Party seemed to stand for seemed just so... anti-Christian. I was lost. Alone. Depressed. Then, one glorious night, the Angel of the Lord appeared to me with a manuscript of double-spaced Times New Roman 12-pt type, and declared THIS was the NEWLY REVEALED WORD OF GOD! As a result, I learned the truth that our patron saint, Ayn Rand, has been trying to teach us all along. "Being thy brothers keeper" is for suckers! Thats not what God was talking about. He was SEVERLY misquoted by the original writers of the Bible. His new text, revealed by his Holy Angel, sets the record straight. Now, if you want to compare me to Joseph Smith, the founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, thats your business. But you dont get rich by being a Saint. Follow some simple rules and learn that God WANTS you to be rich and if you have to step on a few faces to do it, thats THEIR problem, NOT YOURS! I, Elder William, will take your calls, share text from the new Good Book, and play songs from our new book of hymns as together we realize Gods plan for WEALTH ON EARTH without worrying about your treasures in Heaven.

God